"Marriage" cracking divorce didn't break up-1

After years of arguments and tension, Steve and Diana finally decided to separate. Their mortgage situation, however, meant they were stuck with each other until the stale property market revived. So they came up with a peculiar solution - one week Steve would live in their house while Diana slept on a friend's sofa. The next week, they would swap. The plan unravelled when Steve fell out with his friend and ended up sleeping in his car. Angela Lake-Carroll, an independent family law consultant who advised the couple (their names have been changed), says such situations are far from unusual. She has also dealt with couples who divide a house into upstairs and downstairs with a rigid timetable for kitchen and bathroom use. Coach sunglasses

Money problems brought on by the economic downturn and a volatile housing market have forced increasing numbers of couples to live separate lives under the same roof. Jonathan Moore, UK and Ireland country manager at Easyroommate.co.uk, a website for individuals wanting to find a flatmate or houseshare, says: "Relationships don't always work out but the recession is preventing even more couples from making a clean break when they split up. Difficulties in selling houses, negative equity and not being able to afford to move out are forcing more people to carry on living with their exes. Unfortunately, those same financial stresses that make the break-up process so difficult are often a key reason for the break-up." Fake Coach sunglasses

Jonathan Alpert, a New York-based psychotherapist, has seen many more couples living together "due to financial worries, who ordinarily would have been in a divorce court. They are in a bind of sorts. Coach sunglasses discount

They can't make mortgage and rent payments solo, yet can't stay married happily. They feel it's easier to deal with the psychological cost than the financial cost." Best Coach Sunglasses

David Hollingworth, of London and Country Mortgages, says one of the key problems for couples wanting to live apart is the inflexibility of mortgage providers. "Even if you're not in negative equity, your options will be limited if you can't get a good return on selling your home. It used to be that [UK] providers could lend 120 per cent of the value of a property but those products are no longer available." Before the financial crisis, he says, "there were very innovative products" that could help partners to buy out their ex of their shared home but now the focus is on low risk. New Coach Sunglasses

Even when a split is amicable, living apart under the same roof is not straightforward. George Bonham (not his real name), a former banker who lives in Bournemouth, south England, and is working on starting his own business, says there was no acrimony between him and his ex but the housing market created problems. In March 2008 they put their two-bedroom property on the market and decided to continue to live together until they found a buyer. Despite having on average two viewings per week from prospective buyers, they still have not had an offer. http://www.coachsunglassesdiscount.com

The situation has caused difficulties, says 32-year-old Bonham. "Problems snowball and you have to constantly adapt to new situations." Chiefly, new partners. "Three months after we split up, I found a new love interest. My ex and I had to create some ground rules quickly. We established we wouldn't bring partners back as it was too fresh and emotional. We were both reasonable and once that was agreed, we behaved in a respectful way." Nonetheless, his new partner did have concerns about him living with his ex: "My relationship swiftly ended because of my living arrangements," he says. Coach sunglasses

Even food shopping required renegotiation, he says. "When we were together she used to cook and do the shopping, and continued to after the split. I didn't try to change things - why would I? But when she started seeing someone else, she decided to stop." Despite continued friendship with his ex, he would not suggest others follow his example. "I would advise anyone in my situation to move out of a shared property, rent it out, split the rental income and make your own arrangements." Fake Coach sunglasses

But if you see no alternative to living together, Bonham says ground rules are essential. If necessary, remarks Lake-Carroll, it might be worth involving another person - a friend, family member or a professional family mediator. "When people get caught up in a crisis they become paralysed and lose perspective. They can behave in very peculiar ways." Coach sunglasses discount

Alpert has helped many couples in this situation work out how to cope - "how to bring dates home, handle expenses and simply cohabitate, given the stress of the relationship." Nonetheless, he says, there are cases "where trouble looms [in spite of the ground rules] due to resentment, usually when the relationship ended in a way that one person feels is unfair. If a couple agrees not to bring other people home, then that may lead to resentment. Further, if someone doesn't come home at night, it raises suspicion and leads to trouble." Lake-Carroll advises people in this situation to "make space for themselves - go on short breaks or days out with friends." Best Coach Sunglasses

Nicholas Rose, a psychotherapist based in London, adds that rules continually need to be revised. "A couple will only become fully aware of how easy or difficult the restructured relationship is once they try." He suggests establishing a trial period and a date for review. One couple he worked with agreed "they would fully review [the situation] once the incentive period of their mortgage came to an end, when they would be free of any financial penalties and theoretically in a position to sell and buy separately." This couple has successfully managed to live together for more than two-and-a-half years. New Coach Sunglasses

The key, says Lake-Carroll, is that couples need to "work out how to make the atmosphere and situation bearable for themselves and the children. No recession lasts for ever. Eventually, the market adapts and finds innovative solutions." http://www.coachsunglassesdiscount.com